A Period of Patience

patience

noun

1. 1.

   the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

   "you can find bargains if you have the patience to sift through the rubbish"

   synonyms:

   forbearance, tolerance, restraint, self-restraint, resignation, stoicism, fortitude,sufferance, endurance;

They say patience is a virtue, and when you have a chronic illness it is definitely an attribute that you need on your side.

For me, being patient has pretty much been a permanent state of mind for the last 4 years.  Patience waiting for appointments, for treatments to work (or not), for surgery, and most of all just for something to change for the better, to improve.  In fact, I've probably been trying to have patience for a lot longer than that, as I always hoped that in the years prior to my endometriosis diagnosis that my health would change and the pelvic pain I experienced would gradually ease and go away.  All the doctors said it would improve as I got older anyway - how wrong they were!  

Positive change is like a little bit of sunshine - if you can find some small improvement, it helps you to remain patient and optimistic that more positive changes may happen in the near future.

If instead you are seemingly stuck feeling the same way all of the time with no improvement to your physical or mental health, then patience can be harder to maintain.  Your calm and patient self tends to become elusive, and instead you feel constantly irritated, upset, angry and out of control.  I have felt just like this many times during my health and endometriosis journey, and it is a truly awful place to be.  It is so hard to get yourself out of that negative head space as well - people telling you to 'snap out of it' have no idea how it really feels to feel so controlled by your state of mind.

At the moment, I am feeling a bit stuck, because I'm dealing with constant bleeding, intense pain and the need to take regular pain medications (and anyone who knows me well will understand how much I hate taking pain meds!).  I am disappointed to be in so much pain currently, but have to keep my patience and perseverance going, and remind myself that I am only 10 weeks out of major surgery for my endometriosis and that 'good things take time' as the Mainland Cheese TV ad says.  But this time, unlike other dark times in my life, there is an abundance of hope that things will gradually improve.

As my Gynaecologist said to me when I attended my post operative appointment a few weeks back...

                  "All we need now is time and patience".