A Letter to My Gynaecologist

Dear Dr V,

You'll probably never read this, and I don't think I'd ever get up the courage to send it to you anyway!  But it's 2 years to the day that I first met you,  and I've been reflecting on my Endo journey, so I wanted to write a little something to you, because you've been such an important part of my life over the past 2 years.

I guess you could call it an ode or tribute to you, but this is my blog and I think both those words sound ridiculous, so I think I'll just call it a letter of thanks and leave it at that!

The first day I met you was a Friday in January 2014, the day after my diagnostic laparoscopy.  The Registrar who was looking after me saw me gingerly walking down the hallway in my hospital gown, and brought me over to you to introduce us, because I was being referred to your list for my upcoming surgery to remove the Endo lesions seen at surgery the previous day.  

There I was in my hospital gown, and then you turned around from the group of doctors you were with and there was this lovely friendly but slightly serious face looking back at me.  You said "Hello, hello, nice to meet you" and then you were off down the hallway to see your next patient.  I remember that day you were wearing a navy blue skirt suit, which I liked to refer to as your 'power suit', and honestly I was a bit intimidated by you!  But that was 2 years ago, and basically the whole thought of having a Gynaecological problem was pretty scary!

That day I was pretty freaked out with lots of thoughts going round in my mind, including how much pain I was in, the fact that I had Endo and needed more surgery.  It was all a big shock to my system, and which Gynaecologist I would have looking after me hadn't really crossed my mind yet! 

As 2014 wore on and the admissions to and nights in hospital piled up, I felt like I got to know you a little more.  You would always come to see me each day when you could, and were happy to take a moment to answer any questions I had.  

Even though you probably always had other places you needed to be, you always made time to come to my cubicle in the mornings and explain what tests were being done or what was happening that day.  Sometimes you would even do my blood tests or put an IV line in while you were there, and you were the best at doing that!! 

Some days you would even sneak into my cubicle in the afternoon before you left for the day.  You'd pop your head around my curtain, drop your bag and perch on the windowsill in the late afternoon sunshine, to have a chat with my parents and I and update us on any results or plans for the following day. 

If I'd had a bad night and was in a lot of pain, seeing your shoes appear underneath my cubicle curtain or hearing your voice float down the Ward hallway in the mornings was all I needed to know that everything was going to be all right because you were here now.  

One time I was in hospital yet again, one of the House Officers caught me in the patient kitchen and thought I was visiting someone. She was dismayed to hear I was back on the Ward again, but shared something about you with me that definitely lifted my spirits! She said that you got all the tricky cases, and that if anyone could get me sorted out, it was you. Those words gave me even more confidence and faith in you, and helped me carry on. 

When I graduated from being an Inpatient to being an Outpatient and seeing you in Clinic as opposed to on the Ward, you were still very supportive of me, even if you were running really late some days!  But I like to think that you running late is a sign that you take excellent care of everyone else just like you do of me. 

When I try to thank you for your care sometimes, you tell me that you're just doing your job, but to me it's so much more than that. Even though I'm sure you have lots of other patients to care for while you're looking after me, you make me feel like I'm really important when I come to see you, which I'm sure is hard when you're so flat out busy all the time. 

Sure, we've had our disagreements over the past 2 years, and you've had your bossy moments when you've told me to stop Googling my symptoms (I have, by the way!), or told me I shouldn't worry so much or take things so seriously.  But these moments pass, and after 2 years we're still together, so that must mean we make a good team, right? 

And then there have been the emotional moments we've shared... 

The laughter and smiles when sharing a joke or funny story at the end of an appointment.  

The tears have flowed as well since I've known you, because sometimes the pain, symptoms or just general uncertainty on my part get too much to bear.  I remember one time I started to cry in your office and just couldn't stop, so you got up out of your chair, took me in your arms and just held me tightly, stroked my hair and told me it was ok and helped me to calm down. I don't think I could have cried that day with any other Doctor present, but there's something about you that just makes me feel safe. 

Sometimes I think my complex issues have probably given you a few grey hairs, and I hope that having me as a patient hasn't caused you too much stress!  Hopefully my kind nature and winning personality make up for that! 

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me in these past 2 years. Maybe I'm still not in the best of health yet, but the fact that you've stuck by me and haven't given up on me means so much.  Each time I come to see you, you've been thinking about me and you always have some new idea, test or treatment for me to try, and that's all I can hope for and more.  

Thank you Dr V, from the bottom of my heart.  I'm so glad I ended up with you!

P.S.  I saw this quote online, and somehow it made me think of you, because you have definitely helped make me feel alive and positive, so that I can continue to carry on during my Endo journey...

N.B.  Names have been changed to protect the identity of those mentioned in this post.